Final day with Bill

A very special and sad day all mixed into one.

Strange morning on waking up, don’t remember saying much to Bill, or him to me. Kati had the day off again and was recovering from last night under a duvet on the sofa while watching more Changing Rooms programmes.

Wasn’t really at all sure what to think or do, then Bill decided that we should go get some breakfast at a coffee shop. Left Kati in the capable hands of Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen and went out together.

Found a little place with a comfy sofa and spent the morning supping coffee, OJ and nibbling croissant, and each other. Don’t recall any great conversation, just tried to make the most of what little time we had left together. Was miserable and ecstatic at the same time.

Back at the house Kati had got up and decided to go post her vote in the elections. I was packing up my stuff in the bedroom when she left and Bill came in and we ended up kissing some more. Felt so guilty, but wanted him bad.

Vile amused me by showing me his tattoos too. In a later conversation he asked me why I had seemed to be so offish about them when I was in Atlanta. Hee, cos I was trying my best to control myself, dumbass. Mmmmmmm. Never ever thought I’d be dippy over a (comically) tattooed, stupid, ginger, old, bristly, vile redneck! Actually, that’s something else that amused me, this morning Vile came up to me, all concerned and asked me if he’d given me stubble rash the night before! *giggle

Unhappily, we eventually had to leave for the airport. It was probably one of the best and worst drives of my life. Clutched hold of Bill thewhole way and kept stopping to sneak in a kiss or two whenever the car halted in traffic long enough. The weather and traffic was abysmal, just remember being surrounded in rain and spray and the touch of Bill’s hand on my leg.

Leaving Bill at the airport was just hideous. I was so upset and confused I had no idea what I was doing. We got to where he had to leave me to go through the security checks on my own and we just hugged and kissed and held each other until the annoying man at the barrier took the piss out of us. Grrrr. Had to go through and leave Bill behind and it was horrible. Got totally muddled at security, kept looking back and seeing him bent over the barrier to one side watching me. Made it through the security gate and turned around to catch one last sight of him, but it was too late, there was no where to view back to that hall again. Was most upset.

Had two hours to kill on my own at the airport and generally floundered through them fairly badly. Headed straight for duty free and bought a nice big bottle of vodka.

Was a complete grouch on the aeroplane, especially when an exceedingly large women with two obnoxious screaming children sat down in the one seat next to me.


rough, unhappy Kay on the flight home

I’m afraid I made it incredibly obvious that I wasn’t at all impressed, think I was very lucky not to have gotten into a fight. Maybe it would have kicked off if she’d spoken English? As it was I had to put up with half a seat until the plane was in the air and they found some other available seats to move to. If they hadn’t I don’t know what I would have done. Having a huge person AND two little brats on the one seat is just plain ridiculous and I was in one hell of a mood as it was.

Took some pictures of the ice crystals that had formed on the cabin windows, seemed strangely appropriate:

Arrived back in Manchester early the next day, tired, confused, elated and guilt ridden. Was really really worried that I’d blown everything. Couldn’t bear the thought of not seeing Bill again, and terrified that we couldn’t even be friends now either.

2 Responses to Final day with Bill

  1. vilehelm January 13, 2003 at 4:43 pm #

    I can’t backdate my LJ to this date so I thought I would give the other side of this part of the story…

    Yeah, Karaoke was great and I was in a weird state, not at all drunk but completely out of control and not able to resist something that had been torturing me all week. The kisses in the Karaoke booth were part play as I’d kissed many folks, male and female in that booth, It was sort of a tradition. But when I kissed Kay outside the booth and she resisted not in the least I knew things were way past the kidding point. I was bad, I admit it and I deserve all of the ill-thoughts that Kati’s friends no doubt project my way. However as I stated right in the beginning of my own LJ you just don’t know what goes on in a relationship unless you’re in it. Not that it gives me any license to behave the way I did or that I’m in the least bit proud of my behavior.

    After I dropped Kay off at the airport I took one of the most miserable drives of my life back to the house. I’d never felt so broken and wrong and fucked up. I had no idea where things were going to go or what, if anything, I was going to say to Kati. I got home and went straight to bed to watch English football and hopefully fall asleep.

    Kati came in afterwards and woke me up. She was upset and asked me if there was anything between Kay and I. I answered that I didn’t know (which was a cop-out as I DID know!). I Said that I needed time and she was obviously upset.

    Spent the next days avoiding the Internet, trying to get my head clear and doing mounds of yard work. Had a few brief conversations with Kay online and one when she got made redundant. Had lots of talks with Kati and finally after much talk I made the statement, “I can’t stop thinking about her” and that was enough for Kati. She made plans to move out and I made plans to move on.

    The weeks since have been crazy and great and stressful and uncertain and full of hope and love. Kay is special and I think that she and I are meant for each other, which is funny cause I’m not usually prone to making statements like that. But, a lot of things have changed lately. 😉

  2. vilehelm January 13, 2003 at 4:43 pm #

    I can’t backdate my LJ to this date so I thought I would give the other side of this part of the story…

    Yeah, Karaoke was great and I was in a weird state, not at all drunk but completely out of control and not able to resist something that had been torturing me all week. The kisses in the Karaoke booth were part play as I’d kissed many folks, male and female in that booth, It was sort of a tradition. But when I kissed Kay outside the booth and she resisted not in the least I knew things were way past the kidding point. I was bad, I admit it and I deserve all of the ill-thoughts that Kati’s friends no doubt project my way. However as I stated right in the beginning of my own LJ you just don’t know what goes on in a relationship unless you’re in it. Not that it gives me any license to behave the way I did or that I’m in the least bit proud of my behavior.

    After I dropped Kay off at the airport I took one of the most miserable drives of my life back to the house. I’d never felt so broken and wrong and fucked up. I had no idea where things were going to go or what, if anything, I was going to say to Kati. I got home and went straight to bed to watch English football and hopefully fall asleep.

    Kati came in afterwards and woke me up. She was upset and asked me if there was anything between Kay and I. I answered that I didn’t know (which was a cop-out as I DID know!). I Said that I needed time and she was obviously upset.

    Spent the next days avoiding the Internet, trying to get my head clear and doing mounds of yard work. Had a few brief conversations with Kay online and one when she got made redundant. Had lots of talks with Kati and finally after much talk I made the statement, “I can’t stop thinking about her” and that was enough for Kati. She made plans to move out and I made plans to move on.

    The weeks since have been crazy and great and stressful and uncertain and full of hope and love. Kay is special and I think that she and I are meant for each other, which is funny cause I’m not usually prone to making statements like that. But, a lot of things have changed lately. 😉

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