aka Hen Night
Well the girls did me proud last night. Spent the afternoon in the bathroom bleaching and re-pinking my hair (didn’t make a great job of it – arse!), and soaking in the tub. Tarted up with Mel in her room and delved merrily into her chemist shop of perfumes and makeup. Panicked when I didn’t have anything to wear but once again super sister-in-law came to the rescue and lent me a fabulous top. Felt much better then, didn’t want to be all dowdy on my own Hen Night.
Nicky and Lynsey then arrived and it became apparent that all had formed a pact to have their hair in pigtails and wear something pink. Mel created an asymetric pink hair explosion from one of her bunches, and Mum emerged from her bedroom with a cute little spray of pink hair clipped into hers hair.
Was presented with my obligatory set of “L” plates.
The entire evening was a mystery to me, had no idea what was about to happen. All the way into Plymouth the girls kept talking about where we were going to go for our meal…
“we’ve got a table at that dive on Union Street, the steak house with the bits of old dog in the back yard and where all the neighbours cats go missing”
“mum, mum, no it’s the next turn for the McDonalds DriveThru”
“oh well, missed it, we’ll have fish and chips on the Barbican instead”
“oooh the Barbican,…let’s go Cap’n Jaspers!!!!”
“but I booked us a table at that Steak House?! I know Kay loves a nice juicy slab of meat”
“but Bill’s not coming until Friday!”
“mmmmm, can’t wait for my spicy spuds, that’s just down Union Street Mum.”
Had no idea what I was in for. Was rather concerned when we did pull up right next to a chippie, and then bemused when I was taken to the apparently deserted waterfront and then down a dingy dark flight of stairs on the harbour. Was very surprised to find a rather amazing Chinese restaurant sat at the bottom of the steps, lanterns aglow and bustling with custom. Wow!!! Thanks girls!
The meal was fantastic. Only marred for both Mum and Mel when they attempted to eat the pretty edible basket that the seaweed came presented in. Bad move. It wasn’t edible at all, despite being told it was made from pancake it was apparently disgusting and highly nauseous, very chemical tasting. Mum took a nice big mouthful and had to run to the loo.
The food was great. I had a fabulous dish of fried noodles and braised slice of duck with ginger and pineapple. Mmmm mmmm. Totally threw Mel on that one, she thought I was joking when I chose it. Mmmm tasty little bird.
And speaking of birds, when the wine came out and was downed Mel entertained with her blushes and repetition of a dirty joke apparently one told to her by my wonderful lovely father who surely would never come out with such things.
Have you had a parrot on your right shoulder?
Have you had a parrot on your left shoulder?
Open your mouth *peers inside*
I’ll bet you’ve had a cock or two in there!!
Okay, after a simply fab meal we then adjourned to a neighbouring hotel which Nicky assured us did cocktails. Looked like a posh restaurant when we peeped through the windows but we spotted a bar inside went inside. Must have changed hands since Nicky was there last, no cocktails. Stayed for one drink anyway and it was rather like having tea in an old folks home, complete with rude old biddies who were quite obviously talking about us and having a good old stare. Still, we got to keep Mum with us a little bit longer and it’s the company that matters.
Jelly Jazz was next on the agenda so Mum drove us over to club before heading off home because being a weekday she had to work the next day and the prospect of a double lesson with year 9 first thing in the morning was enough to induce a hangover without the alcohol or late night.
Unfortunately at this point, despite my cunning plan to lose the “L” plates by stuffing them up my coat, I was forced to don them again. Lynsey had spotted one coming loose as it went into the cloak room and would not accept bribery.
Snagged some nice seats in Jelly Jazz and was most impressed with the decor and our drinks. We all had Pink Ice alcopops and when we set the bottles down on the lighted tables they looked most pretty. Mel and Nicky at one point disappeared to the bar and were seen plotting. They eventually reemerged laden down with 2 alcopops each (I’d told Mel that Lynsey was a rather scary lady in the alcopop downing department and Mel decided that that was something she had to see with her own eyes) and a huge bottle of bubbly. WOW!!! We sat, bounced to funk, I got toasted with sparkly bubbles.
Lynsey then unsurprisingly won the downing contest with ease. Mel’s eyes popped wide open. I didn’t even try to compete, she’s easily downed not one, not two, but three Smirnoff Ice’s in the time I’ve taken to glug one. She’s a scary maid.
Nicky pulled a fit black bloke and has his number on her mobile. He took his shirt off for her he did and referred to her as “his wife”.
Had to step outside with Lynsey for a bit who needed some fresh air. Unfortunately she had a little tummy upset and was then stuck outside being unable to get past the bouncers again. (They told her to go and chuck on the red car out front, which just happened to be the fuzz camped outside) She perked up immediately though and went back to being a cackling little minx.
Managed to get past the bouncers myself and find Nicky and Mel. It practically time to go home anyway as Nicky had already phoned her Mum for a lift. Back outside we found Lynsey chatting up the bouncers and I seem to remember one of them grabbing me, lifting me up into his arms and photos being taken.
Wandered down to Union Street cos Nicky had a hankering for spicy spuds. Should have stuck to them myself but I really really wanted a kebab and thought, well how bad can an Ali Baba kebab be?!! Answer – pretty goddamn awful!! UGH. Stole Mel’s spuds while she wasn’t looking.
Wendy arrived all the way from the farm (Thank you so much!! Having everyone able to drink and get home safely was fabulous, Wendy is a star) to pick us up and we carried back to Tavistock with a madcap Lynsey cackling all the way.
Thanks girls! Wish some of my other girly friends could have been there too though, I feel a bit guilty because I should have at least invited the Manchester folk but I just assumed that they wouldn’t be able to make it anyway so didn’t. Oh well.