ON-ON! #5

Hash Halloween Home Crawl – October 28th 2006

You can imagine how I squealed with joy when I dragged my dragon costume out of the attic and found that I could indeed squeeze into it. Only a minor panic followed when I had to work out what to wear with it so that I wouldn’t freeze but then my inside out camo shirt and black running trousers saved the day. I even managed to find my scary bag of glittery green makeup and had great fun daubing as much as possible around my eyes. A little girly session in the bath with some pearly jade nail polish gave me some lovely dragon claws to complete my ensemble.

Thus a not very scary, but somewhat timid and anxious dragon headed over to Ansley Mall for the start of the annual AH4 Halloween Home Crawl. This was to be a true drinking hash with little exercise so Sam and Bill gave me lift out to the meet and I arranged for them to pick me up later. Of course, Sam didn’t get to miss an opportunity to dress up too and he came out to the Hash in his costume too.

Oh, I forgot a stupid thing I did in my hurry to get ready that morning. I was racing around the house and went to grab my hairbrush from the bathroom. I reached up and *plop* the breast pump I was holding in my other hand fell straight into the toilet. NO!!! That was a twofold disaster because I had yet to use it and was getting rather sore up front. The pump went onto the stove to boil and my little leech had to be put to work on me. I remembered about the pump halfway to Midtown as we driving on the Interstate. Oh crikey! Bill had to drive us home and race into the house to turn the stove off. Idiot that I am.

Okay, so on our second attempt we made it to the start with no other hitch and I was relieved to see many other Hashers already ambling around in costume. Began to feel somewhat less conspicuous but my shyness wasn’t helped by being unable to recognise whether I’d actually met any of these people before beneath the costumes! I hung out, took deep breaths and knew that once the beer started flowing that any awkwardness would dissipate with every chug.

Martha Screw-It, I did spot immediately, she was handing out the souvenir t-shirts, coozies and easy to twig. She clutched a monkey, sported an anti-Darwin sticker, and Bible, and claimed to be an ironic Cave woman. Her spiel could be heard like an echo throughout the afternoon and confused many a simple Hasher.

I lurked while Freudian Slip (Crip Teaser) shivered, Britney and Kevin Federline made white trash babies, JonBenet (Hot Pocket) and Patsy Ramsey made small talk with John Mark Karr, while Blondie from The Clermont Lounge crushed beer cans between her two enormous sagging boobs. Uncle Sam strode past. Two Greek Gods posed. I didn’t recognise my fellow DFL Portuguese Water Dog until he came up to me and I squinted through his Joker make up.

The turn out was nowhere near as good as had been expected, largely due no doubt to the atrocious weather of the day before. Stragglers did make a delayed start worthwhile but eventually everyone was chomping at the bit to get to the first Beer Stop and so maps were handed out and the pack was released.

A hefty hike straight down Piedmont Road immediately stressed out my poor little dragon feet and sadly I had to be declawed en route.

#1 – Hot Pocket: A cute little in town dwelling where I scored myself a large can of Becks from the cooler. This was especially dandy because the can matched my skin and I’m all about coordination. This also made the walk through Piedmont Park to Beer Stop #2 distinctly more chatty. So much so that I think we picked up a random person on our way.

Crikey! Not one, not two, but three Steve Irwins graced us on the Hash. Here, I was the nearest thing they had to a crocodile.

#2 Screw-Ewe: I think it was here that many increasingly inebriated Hashers needed their first pit stop. We were directed upstairs into an apartment complex and told to use the loo in flat 8. I followed the sound of Hashers critiquing Screw-Ewe’s big (DIY) jobs and joined the queue. While standing in line passing time with some Mongols the front door opened and I noticed the number on the front read 7. Ooops? This, however, did not deter desperate Hashers in need of relief.

#3 Boob Teaser/Cynthia F*cker: My memories of proceedings go downhill from here.

#4 Jackass: Confusion and argument en route to Beer Stop number 4 as the pack split in two directions at a junction and mad reading skills appeared to have been lost. Was all good though as it turned out either way led to more beer. Hoorah!

#5 EZ Cheeks

#6 THE END – Sub-Human: PIZZA! The ever gallant Pigless here offered to fetch me a piece of pepperoni pizza. I declined, explaining I would only eat a veggie slice, so in his eagerness to please he grabbed a slice and scooped off all the meat for me. Uhm…thanks! Meanwhile, I had uncovered a box full of delicious veggie pizza and was devouring that. Undeterred, and eager to please a lady, Pigless turned his charm onto Crip Teaser and the hapless lass got his meatless portion.

Havoc reigned at the Down-Down and by the skin of my dragon teeth I escaped being named on my fifth run with the Atlanta Hash. Phew, that could have been nasty.

[Thanks to Martha for the photos]

8 Responses to ON-ON! #5

  1. ashridge November 5, 2006 at 11:33 am #

    I escaped being named on my fifth run

    so what happens if you are named?

  2. ashridge November 5, 2006 at 11:33 am #

    I escaped being named on my fifth run

    so what happens if you are named?

  3. kaypow November 5, 2006 at 5:27 pm #

    Re: I escaped being named on my fifth run

    Not so much what happens, as what I might have ended up being called when put to the mercy of the Halloween Hash. Though I wonder if my fears were unfounded as by the last Beer Stop no one was paying any attention whatsoever anyway.

    BTW interesting to note universal equivalents over here, I do believe I have run into skewed Atlanta versions of Phyllis and Glanni so far.

  4. admin November 5, 2006 at 5:27 pm #

    Re: I escaped being named on my fifth run

    Not so much what happens, as what I might have ended up being called when put to the mercy of the Halloween Hash. Though I wonder if my fears were unfounded as by the last Beer Stop no one was paying any attention whatsoever anyway.

    BTW interesting to note universal equivalents over here, I do believe I have run into skewed Atlanta versions of Phyllis and Glanni so far.

  5. ashridge November 5, 2006 at 10:24 pm #

    Glanni

    bet your atlanta glanni hasn’t got a National Park Land Rover though. And I got red baseball boots..so there smarty pants!

    Phyllis! Yuk Yuk Yuk…fat belly and saggy bazookas 🙁

    Alas poor maid.

    You left a portrait of Phyllis in my shed and now I’m scared to go in.

  6. ashridge November 5, 2006 at 10:24 pm #

    Glanni

    bet your atlanta glanni hasn’t got a National Park Land Rover though. And I got red baseball boots..so there smarty pants!

    Phyllis! Yuk Yuk Yuk…fat belly and saggy bazookas 🙁

    Alas poor maid.

    You left a portrait of Phyllis in my shed and now I’m scared to go in.

  7. Anonymous November 10, 2006 at 9:37 pm #

    Re: I escaped being named on my fifth run

    wow
    being chased by 3 Steve Irwins.
    Didnt they learn that Steve Irwin is DEAD!
    he was like killed by a stingray.

    im the sneaky one of the flowers family
    (hint im the youngest so im the evilest)

  8. Anonymous November 10, 2006 at 9:39 pm #

    3 Steve Irwins

    wow.
    3.
    Dont they know Steve Irwin is dead.
    DEAD!

    your sneaky hyper neice

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