January 27th – Boner
start: Marietta High School
For some reason the events of this Saturday afternoon in the BonerZone are somewhat hazy. I can’t think why. Maybe it’s something to do with
a) the fact that I wasn’t driving?
b) the seemingly magical refilling beer glass I had?
c) the decent pitchers of beer on offer?
d) all of the above?
Okay, so after attending a couple of hypno sessions and then an expensive and very necessary amount of counseling the following account has finally bubbled its way to the surface.
On arrival we were greeted by a suspiciously bouncy P Diddy who was in such a good mood he was practically prancing around the car park. He accused Martha and Tasty Pie of being Pinky and the Brain – but which was which? Who wants to take over the world? And who’s he calling an idiot?
Meanwhile, Fill My Cavity hoodwinked interested parties into believing that the delicious shade of coral pink lipstick she was wearing was purely for moisture retention and not at all for attracting attention to her luscious pouting lips. Dubious.
And with the hare hopping off into the distance the hounds gave chase along Whitlock Avenue delicately picking our way through all the road kill and very courteously waving to the local constabulary as they drove past, very slowly.
Bearing down hard off the main road the stream of hashers began to violate the quiet suburban peace of a housing subdivision. Yet, just as we began to truly penetrate the enclave we were faced with hashers hastily pulling out. Boner had led us on but didn’t follow through. What a tease.
A Count Back 13 had been found. Lucky for some, but not for those who can only count to ten or who don’t like to trudge back up hills they just ran down.
After a hard warm up, trail turned soft and very squishy. Twas wet, but not excessive, as we traded road for shiggy. Boner laid a good trail which really seemed to keep the pack together with some cunning checks.
After adeptly traversing a plank crossing a gully Martha Screw-It stepped into a hole and twisted her ankle. I don’t know what came over me, I must use the “r” word now for I actually picked myself up by my socks and ran, graciously leaving Martha to hobble home on her own. Once safely at the Down Down she gladly thrust her foot into a frigid old bag.
Visitor Mother Chalker from DC joined us this fair January hash. Clad in an eyesore of purple stripey socks he was loud, proud and hard to miss. A quick Google reveals he’s a bit of a hash whore and gets around a bit. Let’s hope Atlanta H4 was able to satisfy his lust.
DFL – Portuguese Water Dog, Phred and Do It Later – oh no, scrub that. Ballerina Booty Boy surprised everyone by bumbling in mid circle. He came late and nobody even knew he had come.
PWD brought a new friend to circle. Stuffed into his bib was a little blue scary faceless bear found on trail. I’d also seen little blue scary faceless bear on trail, had been terrified by his lack of a face, had carefully left him propped up, cheerily waving by the side of the road, and got the hell away from it. I guess PWD felt some sort of affinity with this poor lost soul and decided they should be friends. Did I mention this bear was scary and HAD NO FACE?! Creepy.
TLS and Show Uranus were called out for being the cheating car hashers that they are.
Finally, on this day a rugby playing five timer with bleeding thighs (presented as evidence, people’s exhibit #69) got his name and shall henceforth be known as Bloody Odd Balls, for that is the will of the Hash.
The next day I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out a mysterious aide memoire scrawled in my miniscule cursive. It reads “Show Uranus has trick ankles” I don’t have a clue what that was all about. Answers on a postcard.
Hounds in attendance:
Sleaze Puppy, Deboner, Just Mike (5th), High Dicker, Martha Screw-It, Tasty Pie, Hung ‘n’ Hairy, PWD, Poonshine, Fairy Juice, Hung Jury, Bubbette, Afterbitch, BWaNA, Dribbles, Piggy’s Bitch, Skin Flute Pie, Mother Chalker (visitor – DCH4), Do It Later, Big Bore, Dawgy Style, TLS, Hot Pocket, Skid Marks, Just Toni, Bean, Fill My Cavity, Phred, Show Uranus, Push Over, Okie Pokie Chicken Chokie, Just Dan, Ass We Go, Two Hole Licker.